Learn about LGBTQ+ Topics
LGBTQ+ people and topics are not usually seen on TV, in books, or in movies – therefore, many people have lots of questions. This page is meant to help answer a few of the most common questions. Please note, not every question has a standard answer and different communities and individuals may have different responses. This is just like how there is no one response to "what it means to be an Oklahoman" or "what is the most important thing for kids to learn in school."
Some helpful definitions of common terms
A good rule of thumb: let someone tell you how they identify and what that means to them; do not assume you know how a person identifies simply based on what you think of how they look or act. Also, if they do not want to talk to you about how they identify, that is their choice.
LGBTQ+ - This is an acronym short for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, queer, and others who identify as a gender and/or sexual minority" It sometimes has the letters "I" and "A" added to include those who are intersex and those who are allies.
Queer - This is a term that can represent anyone who is a sexual minority, gender minority, or otherwise identifying as a member of a LGBTQ+ community. This word is controversial given its history as a negative and hateful term; however, many within the LGBTQ+ community have reclaimed it.
Ally - This describes anyone who is supportive of their LGBTQ+ family members, friends, and the community as a whole.
Gay - This term refers to someone who is primarily romantically and/or sexually attracted to others of the same gender.
Lesbian - This term refers to someone who is a woman who is primarily romantically and/or sexually attracted to other women.
Bisexual - This term describes a person who has romantic and/or sexual attraction to folks of any gender.
Pansexual - This term describes a person whose attraction to others is based primarily upon a potential partner's personality as opposed to a potential partner's gender
Trans* - This term is used when a person's gender does not align with their biological sex. The * denotes that a person may identify as a "trans man," a "trans woman," or simply as "trans."
Gender - This is the term that refers to the way a person fits into the social norms of "women" or "men." Someone is considered to be "cisgender" if their gender aligns with their biological sex.
Sex - This term typically refers to the way a person is characterized at birth based upon their genitalia; some people use the term "biological sex," others use "assigned sex," some use both.
Intersex - This term is often applied when a person has characteristics of both biological sexes or has an unclear biological sex.
Gender Performance - This refers to how masculine and feminine someone is - every one has levels of both and our levels can change in different situations. Want to learn more about your own gender performance? Try taking the Open Sex Role Inventory.
Genderqueer - This is one of many terms that someone may use to let others know that they do not identify as either a "woman" or a "man." This can look different for each person.
Asexuality - This term is used when someone has little to no sexual attraction to others. Someone who identifies as asexual may or may not have romantic attraction to others.
Polyamory - This refers to the desire to form an intimate relationship between three or more persons. Like in a monogamous relationship, a polyamorous relationship may be exclusive (those within the relationship only date one another) or open (those within the relationship can date others outside the relationship).
The University of California, Davis has a glossary that expands on these definitions and includes many more terms!
A good rule of thumb: let someone tell you how they identify and what that means to them; do not assume you know how a person identifies simply based on what you think of how they look or act. Also, if they do not want to talk to you about how they identify, that is their choice.
LGBTQ+ - This is an acronym short for "lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans*, queer, and others who identify as a gender and/or sexual minority" It sometimes has the letters "I" and "A" added to include those who are intersex and those who are allies.
Queer - This is a term that can represent anyone who is a sexual minority, gender minority, or otherwise identifying as a member of a LGBTQ+ community. This word is controversial given its history as a negative and hateful term; however, many within the LGBTQ+ community have reclaimed it.
Ally - This describes anyone who is supportive of their LGBTQ+ family members, friends, and the community as a whole.
Gay - This term refers to someone who is primarily romantically and/or sexually attracted to others of the same gender.
Lesbian - This term refers to someone who is a woman who is primarily romantically and/or sexually attracted to other women.
Bisexual - This term describes a person who has romantic and/or sexual attraction to folks of any gender.
Pansexual - This term describes a person whose attraction to others is based primarily upon a potential partner's personality as opposed to a potential partner's gender
Trans* - This term is used when a person's gender does not align with their biological sex. The * denotes that a person may identify as a "trans man," a "trans woman," or simply as "trans."
Gender - This is the term that refers to the way a person fits into the social norms of "women" or "men." Someone is considered to be "cisgender" if their gender aligns with their biological sex.
Sex - This term typically refers to the way a person is characterized at birth based upon their genitalia; some people use the term "biological sex," others use "assigned sex," some use both.
Intersex - This term is often applied when a person has characteristics of both biological sexes or has an unclear biological sex.
Gender Performance - This refers to how masculine and feminine someone is - every one has levels of both and our levels can change in different situations. Want to learn more about your own gender performance? Try taking the Open Sex Role Inventory.
Genderqueer - This is one of many terms that someone may use to let others know that they do not identify as either a "woman" or a "man." This can look different for each person.
Asexuality - This term is used when someone has little to no sexual attraction to others. Someone who identifies as asexual may or may not have romantic attraction to others.
Polyamory - This refers to the desire to form an intimate relationship between three or more persons. Like in a monogamous relationship, a polyamorous relationship may be exclusive (those within the relationship only date one another) or open (those within the relationship can date others outside the relationship).
The University of California, Davis has a glossary that expands on these definitions and includes many more terms!
Pride Flag
The original pride flag was created by artist Gilbert Baker in 1978. He was inspired by the historic Stonewall Riots. Popular belief states that he chose the rainbow as the symbol because of the gay community connection to Judy Garland and the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow. The original flag had eight stripes and Baker assigned meanings for each color. However, over time, these meanings have evolved. |
In 2018, artist Daniel Quasar updated the pride flag. He added the white-pink-blue stripes of the trans* flag. He also added the brown and black stripes representing LGBTQ+ persons of color, who used to be ignored by the gay pride movement. These new stripes are an arrow pointing forward to represent progress made and the distance still to go. |
Some Q & A
- Is it ever okay to ask someone who is trans* about whether they have had a gender affirmation surgery (formerly called a "sex change operation") or not? Is it ever okay to ask an intersex person about their genitalia?
Unless you are a medical professional asking a patient within the context of a medical examination or you're romantically involved with someone and are interested in having a mature conversation about physical relations, this is not an appropriate question. Ever. This is basically like asking someone to pull down their pants so that you can take a look; would you like someone to ask you to do that?
- Is it okay to assume that someone is [insert an LGBTQ+ identity here] based on their appearance and/or behavior?
No. Let someone identify themselves to you if they want you to know. But they like [insert stereotypical thing here]! Just like every American is not the same. Just like every Oklahoman is not the same. Not every person who is LGBTQ+ is the same. - But really, why can't I assume an [insert an LGBTQ+ identity here]?
Basically, making an assumption about how a person identifies does two things
1) it makes those with that identity who do not have that interest/behavior feel like they are not good enough, that they are less than whole
2) it makes it more difficult for someone who is not LGBTQ+, but has that interest/behavior, to be themselves
For example, is it okay to assume that a guy who enjoys watching drag shows is gay? No. 1) not every gay guy enjoys watching drag and may feel like they are "bad" at being gay and are therefore less than a whole person. 2) Straight and bisexual guys who enjoy watching drag may now be afraid to let others know about their interest for fear of being labeled as something they are not and must hide a part of themselves from others.
- Can I, a straight person, use the word "queer"?
Because this term means different things to different LGBTQ+ persons, it is recommended that you only use this word with those who first use the word with you. So, if your friend tells you that she uses that word to describe herself, then you can use that term with her. It does not mean that you can use that term with others, especially with people whom you do not know.
- Why Pride? What's the point of this? Why is there no "Straight Pride"?
LGBTQ+ persons - in Oklahoma, in the US, and around the world - often have to:
- Contend with communities that shame or shun them (or even kick them out) simply for being LGBTQ+,
- Overcome being rejected by family and friends, often have to worry about protections for their jobs and homes (in Oklahoma, an LGBTQ+ person can legally be fired from a job or evicted simply for being LGBTQ+),
- Suffer physical, emotional, and psychological abuse from others (both from people they know and from strangers) for actually being (or perceived to be) LGBTQ+,
- Deal with being targets of property damage and vandalism at increased numbers simply because they are (or are perceived to be) LGBTQ+,
- Navigate small dating pools due to limited interaction opportunities with other LGBTQ+ persons, and
- Struggle with isolation because they know few other LGBTQ+ persons and see very few LGBTQ+ persons in the media.
Not every LGBTQ+ person deals with every one of these difficulties, but almost all (from children to senior citizens) have to deal with more than one. Someone who is straight does not have to deal with these difficulties simply because they are straight. This is why we have Pride Celebrations, because LGBTQ+ persons need to be reminded and announce that they are also human, with just as much value and as many rights, as those who are not LGBTQ+.